The Weekend, The Weather.

So I guess this is my first official blog post. The weekend was pretty uneventful other than Krash (Locl rock club) on Saturday night. On Friday we typically came to my house. We decided earlier on that we were going to go to a Maize Maze. We didn’t know where it was, or if it even existed… we’d just heard about it via Dee’s mother I believe, and an article in a newspaper. Anyway, after some searching we found that it was situated at Broom House, Durham but it wasn’t going to be created for 2006. Instead they have created a 10 acre forest adventure trail but it didn’t open until Saturday so we decided to go next (this) week. More on that later if it occurs.

Instead we went to Newcastle. I didn’t buy anything, other than food, as I don’t have much money. I got a Subway ‘2 meals for £5.99’ deal. I got a 6″ Tuna with lettuce, cucumber and ranch dressing and a 6″ steak with lettuce, cucumber and a dressing that I can’t remember. I gave the second drink and cookie to James. I am on a sort of diet… not anything specific, I’m just eating healthy things more often than not. It’s going good so far. I’ve been eating healthily for about a month and so far the only bad thing I’ve had is one Chinese, an Indian and a BBQ and even then I chose the healthiest things I could find (Apart from the BBQ…). I thought I’d find it harder, but I’m actually having no trouble just eating healthy stuff. I only want to lose about 2 stone then I’ll start eating what I want again but I’ll keep it a bit more under control. I’ve already lost 3¼’s of a stone

On Saturday we spent about 4 hours deciding what to do. Either go to Krash, which we couldn’t really afford, or go to Dee’s house and sit in her garden which I was fine with, but I think everybody wanted to go out. In the end we decided that we’d go to Krash if the weather turned bad. It started raining and thus our mind was made up. I’ll be honest… I wasn’t looking forward to Krash because I couldn’t get drunk (Medication - I’m allowed 10 units of alcohol). I’ve never been out and stayed sober before, and doing so didn’t really appeal to me. I don’t like drunk people when I’m sober. Dee picked me and Alan up to go to Morrison’s to get some alcohol to drink before going out. I got two 2-litre bottles of woodpecker for £4 coming to a total of 14 units. That was already 4 units over what I was allowed with my medication so I couldn’t even drink all 4 litres. We went back to Dee’s and I was sitting arguing with myself in my head… “I suppose its only one night a week…” “No, you can’t drink. You’ll bugger up your liver. It’s not worth taking the chance”. In the end we looked through Sharon’s (Dee’s mam) 2 nursing books. The first one said “Avoid Alcohol”. The second one didn’t mention anything, although to be honest it didn’t say ‘Avoid _____’ at all anywhere in the book for any drug.

I got drunk.

I had my 10 units in Dee’s house. I drank one of the 2 litre bottles, totalling 7 units. One can of Woodpecker, another 2 units and 1 shot of some white chocolate vodka stuff, which was 1 unit. At Krash I had 3 bottles of Magners, which didn’t state the amount of units but I’m going to guess about 3.5 each. It was quite fun at Dee’s. Not much happened really. We sat in her sitting room for a bit while her little cousin Christopher and her not so little neighbour Kieran played on Worms 3D. I put a bottle cap on her uncle’s dog, Ebony (lolz). I tried to take a picture but it ran away and it fell off. It looked like it was wearing a fez. Dee ate a daddy long legs. It was originally going to be me, but I decided against it. Dee decided to do it after she was promised £10 to do so. She did, and she got. After this, we moved out into Dee’s front garden. Everybody lay on the grass apart from me and James who danced like pricks to Dirty Pretty Things. We danced around the people lying on the grass in a circle and they didn’t seem to notice so I poked Dee with a stick. Then we spotted a hedgehog. I think Hebburn Village is turning into some sort of nature reserve, as I spotted a Fox there last week. The fox ran off when I stealthily snuck up on it, but the hedgehog froze for a picture. Or out of fear. One of the two. I personally think it was posing.

As you can see, it disappointingly looks absolutely nothing like Sonic. I was tempted to test how sharp it was, before Dee’s aunty informed me that it would be covered in fleas. Nothing new… it is Hebburn after all. Nothing much more worth noting occurred at Dee’s house. James felt sick and decided to not come to Krash. We left for Krash. James stayed, waiting for his mother to pick him up. I think he just wanted to play on Worms 3D with Kieran really.

Krash was quite good. Nothing particularly memorable happened. It was really full. I’ve never seen it that full in ages other than the last night before it re-opened and New Year. I danced like a right gimp to Master of Puppets with Ray. That is about as much as I can remember. I always try to take pictures at Krash, and they always end up stupidly out of focus. Half because I’m drunk, and half because I think its fine to take a picture while dancing. The end result is always a feast for the eyes.

I think Dee got some quite good pictures, which I’ll upload once I’ve stole them off her. One of them I believe had Hobbsie with a bollock out. Unsurprisingly. After Krash we walked in search of food. I got a song from the 80’s stuck in everybody’s head despite the fact that nobody knew all of the lyrics. You know the one… “We close our eyes… de de de de de de… Imagination de de de de de de de” hmm… I can’t really do the tune in text form. Either way, it’s ‘Go West - We Close Our Eyes’ so download it because it is the most astonishing, pragmatic, benevolent and omnipotent song you’ll ever hear. Maybe. We found a Subway but it smelled like burning plastic, then the power cut off and it went dark. We left and found another one but they closed the door just as we got there so we went to the chip shop which sells dildos and ‘herbal’ drugs. Then taxi and home.

Sunday was pretty uneventful. I sat and talked to my uncle, who was down from Scotland for a wedding, and my dad in the back yard for a few hours. Watched TV and started my blog on blogger.com before realising that wordpress is 10 times better and I moved it here on Monday. Today has also been pretty uneventful. It’s only 3:30pm but all I’ve done so far is watched Mythbusters (Woo, a one I hadn’t seen before) and wrote this. The weather has been weird though. We’ve had the hottest summer ever, but for the past few days it has looked like it is wanting to rain. The sky is pining to leak, but it has just been spitting for 20 minutes then going away and it is still really warm. Then today as I was watching Mythbusters it just started pouring down. And I mean pouring. Yes that’s right… italics! I’ve never seen rain that heavy since the massive thunderstorm last year. Then as quickly as it started, it stopped. And I don’t mean it gradually faded… I was looking outside, shocked at how heavy it was and then in literally a second there was nothing. And that was my day’s excitement. Tomorrow should be a bit better. I believe Kris and James are coming over and I’ll ask Dan and other people if they so wish. Oh, and Justin Timberlake’s new song SexyBack owns you.

That is all for now!

A Catch Up And Introduction To Some Folks…

Ok, so I’m now going to try and condense the last few weeks into a few paragraphs. It shouldn’t be to hard really considering that… well, not much has happened. I guess I should briefly explain who the various people are that are going to pop up often just in case somebody is reading that doesn’t know me, or I get Alzheimer’s.

Where to start… well, I can’t really even remember what has happened because each day is generally the same as the last. Either James comes round to my house for a bit and we play on the 360, or we go to Newcastle… though I currently only have the funds to window shop, and occasionally eat. Dee was in London for a week, so we didn’t all get together and do anything apart from one rather nice day when I, James, Jane and Dan went for a walk to Jarrow cemetery and Primrose Nature Reserve (Previously Mildean Farm). We watched horses chew each other (literally), and rolled a big barrel down a hill, then marvelled at the things people have thrown into the River Don. I expected a few trolleys, but I didn’t expect 2 pedal bikes, 1 exercise bike and a car motor. Oh yeah, and we saw a dead pigeon which had somehow flown itself into a branch of a tree which consequently pierced and broke its neck.

I’ll also never cease to be amazed by the philosophical ramblings of a Chav:

Just in case you didn’t get all of that I’ll write it out. “If you reed this you are gay” Seems fair enough, apart from the bastardisation of the English language. It carries on, “If you stop half way through even truer”. Despite the fact that the lamppost has another 3 or 4 feet below, they decide to chop a few words out of the sentence leaving a less than desirable use of specific words and grammar. It isn’t the grammar itself which is important though, it is the message. Some people may have read the top bit, and in becoming gay stop reading, realising their troubles. Unbeknown to them, they have in fact become ‘more gay’. Presumably meaning that they fancy men more than the standard gay. Possibly even having twice as many sexual relations, probably with other super-gays.

Why state that if you stopped reading you are even ‘more gay’? If they stopped reading, they will never know. Maybe it would have been better to state that you have become ‘more gay’ because you have continued to read? Why am I even attempting to make sense out of the situation? I have just tried to make the sentence seem more valid by rearranging it so that it makes more sense for the reader to become ‘more gay’. Its things like this which make this blog seem worthwhile. Keep an eye out for more in-depth look at Chav Scripture in future post.

Anyway, the main thing that has happened over the past few weeks though is my hospitalisation. I went in for 3 days (Not overnight) which turned out to be the biggest waste of 3 days ever, mainly because everything that happened to me could have been done in less than 2 hours. I was there in the first place for my knees. I have fluid around my knees which makes them look twice their usual size. I had to get this drained, have a steroid injected in and then be given medication. The first day I went in at 9am and they took my blood pressure, weight and blood. I then sat for 2 hours and they sent me home and told me to come back the next day at 9am again. I did, and I sat there from 9am til 5pm with absolutely nothing done to me and nothing to do. That’s 8 hours of sitting in a chair with nothing at all. I did however predict such a wait… well, maybe not quite that long, and so I had brought my Beatles Biography. 239 pages later and I have a Scottish bloke sucking yellow liquid out of my left knee. Despite the apparent 8 hours of preparation, it was still buggered up.

For a start, he wanted to numb a 2cm by 2cm patch of my leg where the needle goes in… Something which wasn’t necessary when I got my other knee done as to be honest, it wasn’t very painful, just incredibly uncomfortable. The numbing needle actually hurt more than the suction needle, thus this ‘Pain killer’ actually caused unnecessary pain. It gets worse. He stuck the massive syringe in to suck out my knee liquid and nothing came out. That was quite scary, because he was pulling at bugger all and the syringe was just filling with air. I had visions of him slipping and pushing the air into a blood vessel. So, he decided to go in from the other side of the knee. Not only did this mean that he’d just stabbed my knee for no reason, but also the ‘Pain Killer’ was useless as it didn’t spread, “protecting” the other side of my knee, which he didn’t bother to numb. So, so far I’ve been stabbed twice and had numb gunk injected into me for absolutely no reason. Anyway, he did eventually start pulling out some of the beloved yellow liquid. About 2 pints to be exact. Then he hit a blood vessel and I watched as the yellow liquid slowly started turning crimson. Nice.

He got out as much as he could, then injected (Yes, another injection) some white steroid stuff that was probably just toothpaste into my leg and told me I needed to rest the leg and thus stay in overnight. I was having none of that. I’d had the same procedure done on my other leg and I’d been able to walk to the car and go home, so I buggered his thoughts and went home… After being told to come back tomorrow at 10am to get my medication. So, another day… another wait. Not quite as bad as the day before. I waited from 10am til 2pm that day. Another 150 or so pages later and a nurse came and told me about the drug I’d be taking. And that is that.

So there yuu have it.

END.

The First Post

Hello all. I have eventually decided to make a blog. Im sure ive started one or two a long while ago but ive never had the patience to come back often and update them. Now I feel I can. Don’t ask why. Maybe because my life seems pretty uneventful at present, and so writing about events and current interests may give me something to focus on. And I can look at it and think ‘Ooh, I actually have done something this month’ before realising that in all honesty, for a whole month of my life I have in fact achieved very little.

I am also pretty much writing this for myself at the moment, meaning that I am not going to tell people this even exists for the time being… not because im going to write some candid secrets about my friends… just because I have no idea how often, if at all, I will come back to this. If I find that posting in this blog becomes a regular occurence, then I’ll probably spread the word.

So, that pretty much serves as a brief introduction to my blog. Tomorrow I will do a ‘catch up’ post in which I shall explain briefly what has happened over the past few weeks, so that if I bring something related up in a future post you will know what I am referring too. Then I’ll do my first proper diary-esque entry about the weekends events. I say diary-esque entry because hopefully, if I can be bothered, I will also write about any current bands or movies I want to pimp or I may also talk about something completely unrelated to my life like war or catamaran racing.

So, I’ll leave this first entry now as it is 4:44am (All the 4’s… it must be a sign. To what? I have no idea. Maybe I’ll go to the toilet 4 times tomorrow, or maybe that just happened to be the time when I decided to end the blog. Either way, it is 4:46 now so I have failed. I don’t know what ive failed at. Failed to fulfil the sign? What constitutes such a thing? Clicking ‘Publish Post’ at 4:44 or simple deciding to end the post at 4:44? If it is the latter, I am safe in the knowledge that I have succeeded). I almost purposefully dragged that out into completely unnecessary territory just to get you adjusted to the sort of thing that will happen quite a bit… though I will try to keep my random rambling to a minimum.

Good Knight.